Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize