So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
