just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
