hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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