soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
