Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I want a musical about memes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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