just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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