tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
