Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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