Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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