I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
