I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
