Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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