Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
