I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
