I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
