Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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