jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
