What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is my gift to your gina
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize