our cab driver is having phone sex.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
