That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
