Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
