sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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