WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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