My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
two words: eviction party
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
