dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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