I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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