McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
