Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
