Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
