totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
