I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
