My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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