I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
