she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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