I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
