He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
