It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
