Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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