I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize