i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I cut my penus on the lid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
