3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
why do cheetos always look like penises
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
