You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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