I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
