I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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