I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
