I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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