I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
