I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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