How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
