Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
