sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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