she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
