I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
