i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
