can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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