True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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