Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
