i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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