"it" just moved
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
