this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
