I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
