What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
