I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
