there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
