Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
