this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
