There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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