girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
