apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
