Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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