Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
