with your own penis?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
