these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
