How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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