we're chasing vodka with high fives
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
