We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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