Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
