i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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