This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
