oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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