Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
