I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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