ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize