After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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