i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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