I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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