when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
