Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize