I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I party with great urgency now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
