i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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