I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The power of my boobs compel you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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