I haven't been this sober since birth.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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