What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
