Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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