OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
