I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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