New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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