I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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