I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
