Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
