what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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