i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
