So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I believe in your delicious
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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