So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
