I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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