pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
