oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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