i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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