You smell like a Billy Joel song
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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