Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
